This is a discussion from the Trailing Spouse Network LinkedIn group raised by Vandana Thakur, PHR
How about rechristening the group - Accompanying Spouse?
Jeff Porter
Given the career and business focus of this group I think "Trailing" spouse is appropriate. When our respective wives, husbands or life partners accept a position that causes us to expatriate we do "accompany" them in most aspects of life however, when it comes to employment continuity, career paths, and business support, the spouse is indeed "Trailing", often left to our own resources to find productive and satisfying work lives.
The term "Trailing Spouse" is not meant to be derogatory, merely a succinct description of a situation that many of us find ourselves in. We could choose to use a range of politically correct terms but I believe the negative undertone and 'tongue-in-cheek' use of the term Trailing Spouse helps to emphasize our issues.
Judy Rickatson
Like it or not, Trailing Spouse is a term which is widely understood and if the group were named Accompanying Spouse many people would have problems locating it amongst the multitude of groups available on LinkedIn. The only other term which I can think of which might work in a search engine is Expat (or Expatriate) Spouse, but to me that implies one partner being expatriated and the other one staying at home (hmm, perhaps a whole other group?).
I agree Accompanying Spouse is becoming the more acceptable term to use in corporate and HR circles, and perhaps it does make us all feel better about our situation, but Jeff is right that "trailing" is a good description of the reality for many.
Vandana Thakur, PHR
Thankyou for your responses. Words are of essence and therefore Trailing Spouse conveys the message.
I was in conversation with a official from the US Foreign Services, who promptly corrected me, when in my introduction I used the term Trailing Spouse to Accompanying Spouse.....That is what prompted me to
Although "trailing spouse" is commonly used, I also like to speak of the "trailing partner" because it is more neutral in terms of whether or not people are married.
I would also stick to "trailing", for the reasons given above.
Interesting discussion - I agree "trailing" is more descriptive than "accompanying" (and fewer syllables! ) but I can understand why some people might object to this label. I am curious about how the concept is described in other languages?
I think this discussion is irrelevant right now. I fail to see how changing the name can make the slightest difference to the real world issues involved, which people like us often have dealt with or will have to deal with.
The only reason I can think of for re-christening the group is the faint - very very faint - ego massage / positive stroke conveyed by the term Accompanying Spouse. But if a person needs such ego massages / positive strokes, then there are clearly deeper forces at play, specifically those which encourage a "victim" outlook.
A "victim" outlook is surely antithetical to the basic ethos of our group. We need to develop a robustly positive outlook on our situation. Only then will we find meaningful and satisfying solutions to the problems we face.
I liked the name of the group as "Trailing spouse" it is speacial. From the time I read the article about the group in one of the magazines I am a member. I felt that this is what I have been thorugh all those years, trailing from this city to other country...
"Trailing" tells us that the expat is pulling his/her spouse to the new location and it is the spouse who has to give up about a career and/or life time expectations. In order to get that person in an "accompanying spouse" you should positon the rules of the game equal for him or her too. But in most of the cases this doesn't happen. Therefore there is a victim for sure. Changing the name to a more ethical word wouldnot help any of those struggling spouses, would it?
I am a trailing spouse and I had no idea what was coming for me when I was happily encouraging my husband to find a way to go abroad and accept the offers from foreign countries,at the end I am the one who has to stop performing my original career and finally has to find another career.
I am sure in a corporate world trendy and ethical words sounds good but in this network I prefer to be a part of a Trailing Spouse group.
Thanks
